Uchiha Itachi's Nightmare
by ThirteenoftheRedDawn
Summary: The idea came from a quiz in the latest Shonen Jump magazine asking what was the price one paid to obtain the Mangekyo Sharingan. One of the answers was too good to pass up.


Uchiha Itachi, ruthless killer of the mighty Uchiha clan; stalked through the crowded streets of Konoha very, very quietly. He had come to buy his ultra awesome, super-duper feminine hair conditioner. Unfortunately it was only sold in his village of origin. Ever since he defected from his homeland to become an underling of an idiot who believed he was a god and had freakier eyes than he himself had, Itachi hired some unnamable person to sneak his beloved hair care product to him.

Now, the moron had gone and gotten himself killed during a simple C-Rank mission. It had something to do with the stupid fool getting beaten to death with a giant stuffed teddy bear. Now that somehow was strangely bizarre, weren't teddy bears supposed to be soft and cuddly?

Well fudge sticks, the Uchiha prodigy had wandered into the rather cramped market place. Wait how did he unconsciously walk through half of Konoha without plowing some unfortunate old geezer out of his way or being recognized? Itachi sat down on the ground and threw a fit because his hair really needed a good scrubbing and he had already walked too far for his liking.

Many people ignored him as they darted by with bags full of goodies weighing their arms down. The feared Akatsuki finally let his super genius brain cells whirl to life as he realized that he was just wasting time and energy while getting his usually pristinely clean Akatsuki cloak dirty. He felt like throwing another fit until his better judgment rationalized that the quickest way back to the divine place that sold his hair care products was to waltz through the hordes swarming through the market.

He passed many stalls in his journey even stopping at a few to pick up a few things. He was proud of himself, he had bought a new shade of nail polish that he knew the rest of his S-Ranked comrades would appreciate, and then he had gotten himself some dango and was currently munching away on some of the tasty treat. Yes the elder Uchiha was actually having a blast with his impromptu shopping spree.

Itachi was almost three quarters of the way to his destination when a brightly painted sign caught his eye. It simply stated "Mangekyo Sharingan: Get Yours for Only $4.95". Naturally Itachi was curious about this particular item. Did it mean what he thought it did? He berated himself a second later for thinking so foolishly. There was no possible way that the Mangekyo Sharingan, only possessed by him and one other could be found at the market and for such a low price.

The nagging sensation to check it out finally got the better of him. He silently slipped over to inspect the mysterious product with his own Mangekyo. His advanced eyes told him that what he was seeing was real and not just some childish Genjutsu. There were hundreds of Mangekyo eyes staring up at him. He was awed by the vast amount and the even vaster range of pretty colors.

He marveled over this strange occurrence for what seemed like hours but was only a few seconds until he was interrupted. The short, stubby man on the other side of the booth had taken an interest in his strange customer. Not to mention that he or was it a she, let their jaw hang loosely therefore a steady stream of saliva poured out of his or her mouth. "Excuse me good ah… er… person. How may I help you today?"

Itachi snapped back into reality when he heard the gruff voice question him. He snapped his mouth shut, successfully halting the waterfall spluttering out of his mouth. The Uchiha straightened himself before meeting the gaze of one who has seen many losers who couldn't bargain worth crap; apparently he himself had been pegged as one such loser. Good thing Kakuzu had gotten so frustrated with the other Akatsuki members for spending so much on stuff that they would never use and had taught them how to bargain and haggle like professionals, although the masked bank had taken a shining to the 50" television that Leader-sama and Kisame had brought in the a couple of weeks ago.

"What is the purpose of these alleged Mangekyo Sharingan eyes if no one can use them except members of the Uchiha clan?" His curiosity had gotten the better of him it would seem. He fixed his special eyes onto the stout man once again after he had scanned over the eyes once more.

"Well, they are a new piece of technology created by the Hyuugas the Hokage and the last Uchiha, Sasuke." The middle-aged man explained slowly as if he were holding a conversation with a small child or a mentally handicapped person. The man remained silent as he waited for his customer to reply. Itachi's eye twitched in irritation at the very vague explanation he received.

"What do they do?" he questioned in simpler terms he hoped the older male could comprehend. The man stood up and scratched the graying stubble on his chin in the universal thinking gesture. He closed his eyes tightly as he tried to remember the task that the product served.

"Gee, I don't quite recall but I might for a small fee…" he had spied Itachi's heavy looking money pouch dangling around his waist. Itachi sighed in defeat and dug around for a few coins offering them to the vendor. "Well now I do believe they were an experiment trying to revive the unique kekkei genkai only possessed by the last remaining Uchiha." The merchant eyed Itachi's money pouch again before he would speak another word, he may look stupid but he had been doing this sort of work for years.

Itachi held out a few more coins and waited for the man to continue. "I do believe that that young Uchiha had been blubbering about rebuilding his clan but none of the parents Shinobi or not wanted him running around impregnating all of the young girls. So the Hokage forced the little damner and that Hyuuga genius to make these little wonders." He gestured toward the eyes with his giant paw of a hand then quickly averted his beady eyes to Itachi's hand and money pouch.

The Akatsuki Shinobi was starting to get angry only because he wasn't getting as much information as he would have liked for the money he was paying. Nevertheless he plopped some more coins into the merchant's outstretched hand.

"As I was saying, these puppies allow the person to gain Sharingan eyes with only popping them over their own eyes like contacts." He made a popping noise as he gave out the piece of information. "There are no dangers of using them and just between you and me I hear that there is a Byakugan set coming out." The man no longer gazed at Itachi's money pouch indicating that he had no more information to give.

"Since you seem so interested in them, why don't you try out a pair?" He selected a pair of deep sapphire Sharingan and offered them to the younger male. Itachi looked at them skeptically before reluctantly reaching out for the container they floated in. He gently opened the case and plopped one over top of his own eye. Instantly his vision became clearer and he could also see the older man's movement's moments before he made them. He decided that they were even better than his own Sharingan had ever been.

Later Itachi was walking towards his original destination with at least thirty pairs of the Sharingan eyes and in varying colors too. He still had the blue ones concealing his naturally charcoal eyes. He had come to the conclusion that it was a waste to activate his own Sharingan when he could just use his new favorite inventions. Before he entered the salon he fixed one of the Mangekyo contacts. It suddenly began to itch really too much for his liking. He tried to remove it without jabbing himself in his highly sensitive eye, but the contact most definitely wasn't coming out he realized. The burning itch continued before he finally came to the conclusion to rip it out quick so it wouldn't hurt as much.

His painted nails drove into his eye causing the Uchiha immense pain before he popped the contact out. Itachi sighed in relief until he noticed that he had just popped his own eye out of its socket. He shrieked like a little school girl and tried to place it back in its respectful place.

His efforts were all in vain because it just kept rolling out and onto the very dusty ground. Uchiha Itachi stooped to pick it up when suddenly his precious eye was eaten by a randomly placed dog. He screamed at the top of his lungs and lunged at the poor creature.

Itachi bolted up in his bed. He had just experienced the most screwed up dream in existence. He was drenched in a sheet of cold sweat. The Uchiha shivered and rolled onto his side, drifting off into an uneasy sleep.

The next day he realized that he was out of his Uber awesome hair conditioner and had requested for his partner to blatantly lie and tell Leader-sama that he was gathering information on his appointed Jinchuriki and didn't require backup. He stalked out of the hideout and headed towards Konoha, the only place that carried his preferred brand of hair care products.

While he walked he thought about the idiot that he had hired to sneak him his celestial hair conditioner and vaguely recalled that he had been killed by a raging female and a gigantic teddy bear. Wait, he stopped dead in his tracks as he felt a sudden feeling of déjà vu overcome him. It was probably nothing so he continued on his merry way.

He had somehow ended up face to face with a middle-aged merchant that looked slightly familiar to him. The déjà vu feeling washed over him again. He gazed at the items laid out for display. Among the many miscellaneous items was his marvelous hair supplement and it was half price too.

A small sign caught his eye. It simply stated "Mangekyo Sharingan: Get Yours for Only $4.95". His dream hit him like a locomotive. He was out of Konoha faster than the fourth Hokage could ever dream of even using his "Yellow Thunder God Technique." Itachi had probably been charged with stealing at least fifty bottles of hair products and disturbing the public. Oh well, right now he didn't care if he ever stepped back into Konoha ever again, not even for his magnificent hair products.


End file.
